The Time My Husband Tried To Kill Me

I was scrolling through my old posts and found this little drafted gem that had been sadly lost in the pile. I felt today would be a good day for a little dose of funny, so here you go! This post can now officially go from drafted to published!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ok he didn't really try to kill me but try telling a 15 week pregnant woman that.

So this all starts with our backyard - it is a mud pit. It's so bad that we have to wipe off Snoopy's paws with baby wipes every time she comes inside. Well the other day I decided that it was high time we fixed that problem and off to the store to buy some grass seed we went. When we got home I took my pregnant butt outside and started spreading that grass seed around our personal pit of despair with the help of our darling dog, while my husband got ready for an impromptu weekend work session. (I'm telling you these guys work HARD)

The blonde man came out to give me a kiss before leaving and went on his merry way while I went on mine with the grass seed. Ten minutes later I was done, was quite thirsty and had to potty so I made my way to our back door. I turned the knob and nothing - the door knob didn't turn. Not an inch. It was 90 degrees outside, I'm 15 weeks pregnant, I'm covered in grass seed and my oh so wonderful husband decided to lock me out of the house on his way to work with my cell phone sitting so nicely on the arm of the couch inside.

What is a girl to do? Cuss him out loudly so the whole neighborhood can hear of course. I angrily stomped my way out of our back gate to our front door praying that he left the front door unlocked. Nope. More loud cussing commenced. Ok, were any of the windows left unlocked? Of course they weren't because my husband believes in locking down the house like Fort Knox. Even more loud cussing followed.

I sat down on our front porch and tried not to cry. (pregnancy hormones were RAGING at this point)
Thankfully 7-Eleven is only a short walk away so after wiping off as much dirt and grass seed as I could, I stomped my way up there to make a phone call to a certain soon to be dead husband. When I got there they let me borrow the phone to call the condemned and the fool didn't pick up his phone. All the customers watched as I screamed and left a scathing voice mail about how screwed he was when he got home. Fighting back tears I asked them to use their restroom and afterwards decided to call the fool again since there was nothing else I could do. Thankfully he picked up this time and nervously said he was on his way home once I was done screaming at him. Yet again, when I hung up the phone all the employees and customers were staring at me. Yep that's me, crazy prego who lady just went off on her husband in public. I thanked them for let me use the phone and put my head down in embarrassment and pretty much ran home.

When he pulled up in his car 15 minutes later I started laughing, crying and screaming at the same time because one, I was super angry and two, because I'm pretty sure the entire neighborhood thought I was crazy. (I also was starting to realize how crazy I was) I really wish I had video of all this now that I think about it....

Nonetheless he got the day off work (I'm pretty sure his commander thought he would be too beaten into a pulp to return to work that day after hearing his reason for having to return home) and we now purposely lock each other into the backyard as a joke. Aren't we sweet!


Cheap Diapers Anyone? Well Here is How to Score Some

What if I told you that you could get a month worth of diapers and wipes for as low as $40? Sign me up right?! And what if I told you that those diapers cold be the oh so adorable Honest brand! I mean who doesn't love seeing their child's already adorable butt look even more adorable when parading around (or laying there like a blob depending in their age) with a strawberry patterned diaper strapped to it?

I have recently begun reliving my couponing days and when a friend told me about this deal I jumped on it because as all parents have discovered, diapers are freaking expensive!

Ok so here is what you do. Click here and sign up with the Honest Company. Give it a couple days (patience is key here) and don't buy anything off their website! Just walk away! You SHOULD then after a few days get an email giving you a certain percentage off their products. Once you get your coupon code go back to the Honest Company's website and sign up for their diaper/wipes bundle. The bundle is already 35% off their normal prices so that is a savings right there, but then combined with a coupon code that will give you as much as 50% off, well that is a win win! Give it a few days and you should have a nice big box of adorable diapers (and wipes) shipped right to you door for somewhere around $40. A good price for a months worth of ANY diaper brand!

So now for the downside. Keep in mind this does automatically sign you up for an $80 monthly shipment of diapers and wipes. You can easily delay future shipments on their website or call to cancel your monthly bundle. This is also a one time only deal, so no, you can't get Honest brand diapers for $40 every month. (I wish!) Also, the percentage amount you receive off is not always 50%. I've heard of people getting anywhere from 20%-50%, but it seems like the majority of people do get the 50%.  So no, this is not fool proof but if all else fails you can always sign up for a free trial of the Honest Company's products.

One last thing, you might be asking why I didn't sign up for the free trial in the first place? Well a little birdie told me that if you do sign up for the free trial you don't receive coupon codes from the Honest Company and/or can't use any future coupons. Plus you don't get very many diapers/wipes in the free trial.

** This post is in no way sponsored or endorsed by the Honest Company. However if you do click the link above I get a refferal credit.


The Day the Stork Came Knocking

I can already tell that this kid is going to be just like her daddy.

It all started when the hubby and I went to an air show in Virginia Beach the day before my due date. We joked the whole time that, "if this kid is anything like their dad the sound of airplanes will help lure him or her out." No, I didn't go into labor at the air show. All I managed to accomplish was discovering that porta potties used continuously by drunk people and a 9 month pregnant woman who needs to pee every 10 minutes DO NOT mix. (Let's just say that I mastered the pregnant squat and go)  However on the way home I started to notice more Braxton Hicks contractions than normal but wrote them off on account of me a huge bulging human.

Fast forward to 9:00 that same night and a very tired me waddled upstairs to bed. At this point I was starting to get a little cramping with my Braxton Hicks contractions but didn't think anything of it since they were not bad at all. My husband was starting to look a little nervous but I told him it was just pregnancy pains and to stop being a worry wart. No baby every comes on their due date right?

Well two hours later, at exactly 11:00, I woke up with a horrible cramp. It only lasted 30 seconds and sleepy me wrote it off as another one of those strange pregnancy pains, so I went back to sleep. Well 11 minutes later I woke up again with the same pain, sleepy me took a little more notice this time but still quickly drifted off to dreamland once the pain went away. Another 11 minutes later and the pain was back. I knew something was up at this point so I woke the blonde man up. We pulled out the contraction counter on my phone and started keeping track. Sure enough I was getting them every 9 to 11 minutes apart. We called the hospital and they told us to wait to come in until they were 5 minutes apart, so we waited. Unfortunately after an hour, my contractions started spacing back out from every 7 minutes to every 11 again so we wrote it off as false labor and went back to sleep. (Well he did, I went downstairs and watched TV cause I couldn't sleep through the pain)

Freaking 6 hours later I was still having contractions spaced 7 to 9 minutes apart and decided to wake Blondie up again. We called the hospital again and they told us to come in. When we got there I was 4 cm dilated and 90% effaced... so much for thinking it was false labor!

However I was still not far enough long for them to admit me (aka: still not in enough pain) so they told us to go for a little walk around the hospital for a couple hours to see if we could really get things going. Let me tell you, I thought the pain was bad then, but they were nothing compared to what they were by the end of those two hours. Plus it was awesome fun to show off my contractions to everyone waiting in the ER at 9 in the morning! We even had a janitor basically following us around with a mop and bucket waiting for me to expel some sort of fluid - what fun was had by all.

When we finally went back to labor and delivery I was 5 cm dilated, so off we went to the delivery room we went where they gave me the most wonderful epidural. (You ladies who do this without the drugs are saints and deserve something ridiculously amazing every mother's day) From there on out it was a waiting game. Little Miss took her sweet time, so much time in fact that the hubby and I had time to play Uno and watch part of the Broncos game. I'm telling you that epidural was amazing.

Well finally around 5:45 PM the nurses came in and told me it was time to push. We had an amazing midwife who even let hubby help with the delivery much to his pleasure or dismay, I couldn't really tell which one. After a little more than an hour of pushing, at 6:51 PM, miss Olivia was born right on time on her due date. She was a tiny little thing but of course we thought she was perfect, and she still is.


I Am Still Alive... Just Not 100% Coherent (or sane) Anymore

Oh my gosh how has it been four month since I last wrote a post?! As you can guess, a lot has changed in my life since my last blog post and it is way too much to fit into this one - so more on that later. I have also been struggling with the tough decision of whether or not I wanted to continue blogging, and rather than make that decision I put it off because I am a highly responsible adult like that. So as a result you all had to suffer for months without one single hint as to whether I was still alive and I do apologize for that. I thank all of you who emailed me to see how things were going and who sent kind words - I apologize for not responding. I honestly just checked the email account connected with this blog a few minutes ago and saw all those wonderful messages. Blogger fail.

So as for the future of my oh so wonderful bit of the internet. After much hemming and hawing I have decided to keep blogging, I just will not be posting as frequently. The majority of my time will now rightfully be spent taking care of Olivia (aka: the Goose) and other important people/things in my life, but I love blogging too much to cut it out completely. What will I blog about? Not sure, but probably nonsense similar to what I was writing about before with a dash more of baby thrown in.

Speaking of the baby!

Awe ain't she cute!

The Goose is alive and well. She recently turned four months old (hence why I have been missing for the past four months) and has a laugh that resembles a hearty cackle. She loves bananas, talking to herself and chasing Snoopy around the house.

For all of you reading this, thanks for hanging in there with me while I got my life sorted out. It has been a crazy ride. Can't wait to see you all around the blog-o-sphere again!


Book Recommendations {Kristen}

If you guys didn't know already I am quite the reader, so when Kristen from See You In A Porridge sent her guest post to me I got super excited! Us reader's of the world are always looking for our next book to read and the best way to find your next good read is through a friend's recommendation. So once you are done checking out Kristen's must read list, make sure you head over this funny Aussie girl's blog.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Hi everyone! First I want to thank the lovely, sweet and generous Breanna for having me at her place today, I'm Kristen and I blog about a whole lot of nothing over at See You In A Porridge

I thought because Breanna is going to have nothing but time on her hands once the baby comes (jk!), I would recommend of my favourite a few books to help pass the time.

Now, I love to read almost as much as I love to breathe, so this was no mean feat. But I culled it down to the 10 that I will always recommend if someone is crazy enough to ask.

1. The Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Society

You can read my full review here if you want, I absolutely adore this book. I can't do it justice - it's fabulous and sneaks up on you and all of a sudden you're in love with it. Positively delightful!

amazon / goodreads
2. North & South

This is like the sister of Pride & Prejudice, so if you like that (I kind of do...) then you will love this one, and the BBC TV series is freaking fabulous. It was originally written as a weekly series and so it can be a bit of a slow start and abrupt end but oh how I adore this book. Some books are classics for a reason!

amazon / goodreads / it's free on kindle!

3. The Time Traveler's Wife

This was my favourite book for so long, and it certainly still has a spot in my heart, er bookshelf. I have gifted this book to several people because I want them all to love it as I do. The movie didn't do it justice, but then - they never do!

amazon / goodreads

4. The Book Thief

I can't even begin to describe this book, but if you haven't read it - you need to, right now! I don't even mind if you stop reading this post, go buy it! It is life changing. It is not the kind of thing I would normally read and I was surprised at how much I loved it. It's one of those books I pick up at least once every couple of months. Again, the movie is good but the book is better!

amazon / goodreads

5. Harry Potter Series

Yeah of course HP is on the list. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said, but if you haven't read HP then I can only think of 2 reasons; you know you won't like it because you know your own tastes, or because you are determined not to jump on that bandwagon. Well I'm here to tell you that bandwagon is a fun one, and a must do before you die. I was so against HP when they first came out that I waited until the 5th book was released before I started reading them - they are well written, have every single quality a book can have, and who doesn't want to go to Hogwarts?

amazon / goodreads

6. The Bronze Horseman Trilogy

If you like romance.. behold, the best love story ever told. Ok, the best love story I have ever read. I love almost all of Paullina Simons' books, including The Girl in Times Square and Tully, but the Bronze Horseman Trilogy is my absolute fave. 

amazon / goodreads

7. The Fault in Our Stars

This is probably the newest book on the faves list, but it was so good, I just can't help it. I mean, you've probably heard of it, right? Yeah it's a movie (haven't seen it), it's sad, you've probably heard of John Green.. I just loved this book. I read it after a few let downs and so maybe I was blown away because of that, but I just think it is so well written. I laughed, I cried, I annoyed my husband by constantly reading out my favourite lines. Just have a box of tissues handy.

amazon / goodreads

8. The Other Boleyn Girl

Another movie you've probably heard of. The Other Boleyn Girl started my love affair with historical fiction, which then led me to actual classics like P&P. You can't really go wrong with any of Philippa Gregory's books and I have read a good chunk of them, but this one is my fave. 

amazon / goodreads

9. The Memory Keeper's Daughter

It shocked me to see the not so stellar reviews on amazon for this book. I read it when I was younger and clueless about a lot of things, including babies and myself and what I would do if I had a child with down syndrome. It really opened my eyes and made me think outside of my own bubble.

amazon / goodreads

10. Pride & Prejudice

Now, if you have ever read my blog you know I couldn't do a list of favourite anythings without Pride & Prejudice. You might have heard of it, you might have read it, you might have seen a movie or TV series. You might think it's boring - it's no 50 shades, that's for sure - or not your thing. I won't lie, it's not a book you can pick up and space out and not really pay attention. I have read it so many times that the language and words are normal to me. But if I can recommend any book in the whole world for anyone to read - it's this one. Austen writes about romance,  manners, upbringing, moralityeducation, and marriage in the early 19th century. I think it is funny, sexy, intense and life changing. In my humble opinion, it is the best book ever written.

this copy from B&N / amazon / only $1 on kindle! / goodreads

If you could recommend just one book, what would it be?


A Little Weekend Reading

Love this picture.  Cozy, rainy autumn day.  Right at the beginning of the school year when you're not over-loaded with work.  You have just enough homework to keep you interested and just enough extra time to walk a little slower on the way back from class and enjoy the crisp day right after the rain.

1. Fall is (kind of) in the air and to celebrate I bought myself a pair of these

2. Super excited to make this shirt

3. I'm hoping I will have time to read this book 

4. I want these shorts so bad!

6. Ok I'm sorry but I can see someone getting stuck in a doorway or something with hair like this

10. I'm super tempted to cut my hair like this