I was scrolling through my old posts and found this little drafted gem that had been sadly lost in the pile. I felt today would be a good day for a little dose of funny, so here you go! This post can now officially go from drafted to published!
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Ok he didn't really try to kill me but try telling a 15 week pregnant woman that.
So this all starts with our backyard - it is a mud pit. It's so bad that we have to wipe off Snoopy's paws with baby wipes every time she comes inside. Well the other day I decided that it was high time we fixed that problem and off to the store to buy some grass seed we went. When we got home I took my pregnant butt outside and started spreading that grass seed around our personal pit of despair with the help of our darling dog, while my husband got ready for an impromptu weekend work session. (I'm telling you these guys work HARD)
The blonde man came out to give me a kiss before leaving and went on his merry way while I went on mine with the grass seed. Ten minutes later I was done, was quite thirsty and had to potty so I made my way to our back door. I turned the knob and nothing - the door knob didn't turn. Not an inch. It was 90 degrees outside, I'm 15 weeks pregnant, I'm covered in grass seed and my oh so wonderful husband decided to lock me out of the house on his way to work with my cell phone sitting so nicely on the arm of the couch inside.
What is a girl to do? Cuss him out loudly so the whole neighborhood can hear of course. I angrily stomped my way out of our back gate to our front door praying that he left the front door unlocked. Nope. More loud cussing commenced. Ok, were any of the windows left unlocked? Of course they weren't because my husband believes in locking down the house like Fort Knox. Even more loud cussing followed.
I sat down on our front porch and tried not to cry. (pregnancy hormones were RAGING at this point)
Thankfully 7-Eleven is only a short walk away so after wiping off as much dirt and grass seed as I could, I stomped my way up there to make a phone call to a certain soon to be dead husband. When I got there they let me borrow the phone to call the condemned and the fool didn't pick up his phone. All the customers watched as I screamed and left a scathing voice mail about how screwed he was when he got home. Fighting back tears I asked them to use their restroom and afterwards decided to call the fool again since there was nothing else I could do. Thankfully he picked up this time and nervously said he was on his way home once I was done screaming at him. Yet again, when I hung up the phone all the employees and customers were staring at me. Yep that's me, crazy prego who lady just went off on her husband in public. I thanked them for let me use the phone and put my head down in embarrassment and pretty much ran home.
When he pulled up in his car 15 minutes later I started laughing, crying and screaming at the same time because one, I was super angry and two, because I'm pretty sure the entire neighborhood thought I was crazy. (I also was starting to realize how crazy I was) I really wish I had video of all this now that I think about it....
Nonetheless he got the day off work (I'm pretty sure his commander thought he would be too beaten into a pulp to return to work that day after hearing his reason for having to return home) and we now purposely lock each other into the backyard as a joke. Aren't we sweet!